So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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