We're like a lot better than the average bears
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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