All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros�, bitch!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
