Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
