It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
