You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
