My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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