I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
