Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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