i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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