we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
