O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
