I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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