I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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