Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
