I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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