From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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