In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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