At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
