Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
