it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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