I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
