Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
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