note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
