woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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