I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
