I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
3pm strippers are depressing
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Randomize
