Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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