literally had 100 drinks last night.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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