Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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