The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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