Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
