You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
