Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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