Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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