Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
