Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
