i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
