dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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