i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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