i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
