I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
