This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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