Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
