He told me they were just razor bumps!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
FUCK WHALES
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
