So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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