tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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