It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
