Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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