your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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