guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Randomize
